The Zen of George Carlin (Part One)
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On Location with George Carlin ~ 1977
University of Southern California
On Shopping:
"Did you ever look in someone else's cart and say, "EWWW God Damn! Look what they eat!" ?
On Cats and Dogs:
"What do dogs do on their day off?"
"The Dog Farted! Dog's don't care, they have no standards. Friends come over and the dog is licking his BALLS! And nobody says a word. ? (Incredulous) There's a spectacular thing going on here. If I could do it, I'd never leave the house. But the Cat is cool. Did you ever pet a cat and by the time you get to the back of the cat, your hand is way up here?"
IN THE NEWS
A Football team died today in sudden death overtime.
Scientists have discovered a disease that has no known symptoms. It is impossible to detect and there's no known cure, fortunately no cases have been reported thus far.
A man was arrested today for trying to use food stamps to mail a watermelon.
The FDA announce today that saliva causes stomach cancer. However, only when swallowed in small amounts over a long period of time.
And finally, a psychiatrist has discovered a cure for apathy. However, no one is paying any attention to it.
....................PUSSYFOOT ~ A Rare Female Birth Defect
On Oxymorons:
Jumbo Shrimp? How do you know what your getting? Those two words don't even go together? Kinda like BUSINESS ETHICS or MILITARY INTELLIGENCE.
On Airports:
The people keep saying to me, "Go. Go ahead. Go on the plane."
I say "F**k You, I'm going IN the plane!"
On Dirty Words:
"Did you ever notice that we have more ways to describe dirty words then there are dirty words to begin with. It's true. For the 5 words $#it, P!$$, C-Sucker, MotherF & tits we have created the following words to replace them.
- Foul Language
- Bad Language
- Dirty
- Filthy
- Foul
- Vile
- Vulgar
- Raunchy
- Lewd
- Rude
- Crude
- Off-color
- Suggestive and like 20 more..
Prick is a very tricky one. It is only half dirty like pussyfoot.
Pussyfoot or Pussycat are words that are almost filthy. But not.
Getting back to the prick thing though....
You Can Prick your finger.............but you can't finger your....
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- 100 Funniest People on Earth
# 1 George Carlin - The undiputed champion because he was the reason most of the others decided to do it. - 100 Funniest Movies (Part ZERO ~ Updates, Explanations and Links to all Hubs! )
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Great hub man! I love George Carlin, he's such an asshole, but he's so smart it totally makes up for it. Did you see his part in the new Zeitgeist movie, talking about religion? The movie is pretty heavy stuff, but they try to lighten it up with little cartoons and other documentary tricks. The part he's in, they're discussing religion and how it's basically bullshit, and they have this hilarious bit by George Carlin. It's totally worth checking out, but beware the movie might just blow your mind!
www.zeitgeistmovie.com
carlin - a king. one of the biggest reasons i started writing comedy. i disagree w/ jonno above on carlin being an a-hole. everyone else is an a-hole and carlin is smart enough and aware enough to point out everyone else's wrong-doings. sort of like larry david, carlin is often misunderstood.
Yeah, my thoughts exactly Billy. I never heard anone speak that way about George. In fact, people who say that sort of thing seem to be the AssOs. God Bless Larry David too.
An excellent point billy, I guess I just think he's obnoxious. But that's his style, and he's pretty awesome at pulling it off. It's easy to be an asshole when you're always right
He takes what we cringe and dodge and sticks it in our faces. Sometimes he makes me cringe and dodge more hahaha
George Carlin is one funny M-f'er! (sorry, I got caught up in the act!)
He's my hero.
What I most admired about George was his straight-forwardness and incredible intellect. Although I am a Christian, I am not above being criticized by George. His remarks have always compelled me to re-evaluate my view on things.
Yes, many consider him crude. But total honesty is crude in itself, is it not? I will miss this man terribly. He always made me laugh.
Daniel Pyle 3 years ago
It's what beer drinkers drink when they're not drinking beer....fill in the rest of that one....Great Hub DJ thanks always thumbs up (up what I can't say)