The Zen of George Carlin (Part Two ~ RIP)

George Carlin Again ~ 1978

From the Celebrity Star Theater in Phoenix Arizona.

My job is to come around and remind you of stuff you already know but forgot to laugh at the first time.

Like for example, Why are there no waiters in the waiting room? Cause they're all at the restaurant! And by the way, where is the Blue Food? Every other color has a food, so to speak. They even try to pass off food as Blue even though it isn't. Blueberries are Purple. Blue Cheese is a white fungus. Somebody has the blue food somewhere God damnit!

You can't keep track of the time. What's the sense? I'll give you an example. There's a moment coming. Not here yet. Still on the way. In the future. Hasn't arrived. Here it comes. Here it is. Oh shit it's gone. There is no now. There is only near-future or recent past. There is no present. Whoosh...gone. NOW. When just then? No now. What now or when you asked me?

The most basic unit of measure for human beings is 5 minutes.

Everything takes 5 minutes.

IN THE NEWS

• 21 people were killed today in a 21 gun salute.
• A high-speed chase ended today when the car stopped and the people got out.

AND NOW IT'S TIME FOR AL SLEET - the hippie dippie weatherman.

Tonight's Forecast: Dark. Conitued dark overnight.

Turning to partly light in the morning. The weather is simple, man. The weather will continue changing for quite some time into the future.

"There are three ingredients in my comedy," he said in a 1991 interview with the Los Angeles Times. "Those three things which wax and wane in importance are English language and wordplay; secondly, mundane, everyday observational comedy -- dogs, cats and all that stuff; and thirdly, sociopolitical attitude comedy."

A Few Words You Don't Use ALL THE TIME.

Like Ass.

You can say "Well you've made a perfect ass of yourself tonight."

But you can't say "Hey, let's go get some ass."

And C-Sucker too.

This word has been robbed of it's beauty.

It means BAD MAN when it used to mean GOOD WOMAN.

How'd that happen?